The truth behind the flower dress
by kind.of.a.writer
Summary: Coulson receives a new call from the mysterious Raina. She doesn't seem interested in negotiating but in sharing a little secret from her past, a dark secret that starts with a little girl who grew up in Bahrain, and that could change the whole Cavalry story. Philinda friendship, maybe something else in the future. Rated K because it might containe some depressive thoughts
1. The lotus flowers

Hi! Well, this is my first fanfic here. My main language is not english so I'm sorry for my typos and grammar, please tell me if I'm making any terrible mistakes!

This story is set after season 1, but it might contain a few spoilers from season 2. I hope you'll like it!

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><p>"We have a new call from Raina, sir" said Skye in her usual spot behind the computer.<p>

Coulson sighed.

"What does she want now? Put her on the screen, please" he said.

"That's done" answered Skye.

A second later Raina's face appeared. Behind her there was a plain white wall, nothing that could give them any clue about her hiding place. Her dress was short and dark red, full of big and beautiful golden flowers.

"Hi, agent Coulson" she said with her usual and acquiescent tone

"What do you want this time, Raina?" Was his cold answer.

"Oh, calm down, sir" she said wih a pretentious smile. "Hmm... I can see that agent May is not with you this time. That's weird, you know? I've never seen you alone. Wait, I remember that time when..."

"That's none of your business"

"I know, I know. But I just thought that the Cavalry..."

"Don't call her like that" he hissed.

Skye gave him a warning look, but he didn't seem to notice it.

"As I was about to say, this doesn't have anything to do with Hydra" she said, ignoring his interruption. "This is something... more personal, I guess. And I thought agent May would want to be with you right now"

"What are you talking about?" Asked Skye.

"That I have something that belongs to you. I borrowed it so many years ago, and it's time to return it. It's a little... accesory. I think you should have it" Raina's smile grew bigger. "I put it in the folder I gave to you the other day. Let me know when you get it"

Before Skye could stop her, the signal went down and the girl in the flower dress disappeared.

"Fuck" said Skye. "I'm sorry, it was my fault"

"Don't worry" replied Coulson. "There was no more to say"

"Any idea of what she meant with that weird accesory stuff?"

"Not at all" he confessed as he sat on the chair next to her.

"Ugh, whatever. Those lotus flowers were freaking me out"

The change in his face was fast and evident, passing from confusion and reflexion to panic in a milisecond.

"What? What did you just said?"

"Nothing. I mean, the flowers on her dress were lotus flowers, that's all" she answered, surprised by his reaction.

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yeah. The menu from my favorite chinese restaurant was full of them, why?"

Before she could finish the sentence Coulson had left the room, leaving her alone with her questions.

"Did I miss something?" she said out loud, turning off the computer.

Meanwhile Coulson had already ran into his office. As nervous as how he'd rarely felt before, he started to look for the godammned folder. He found it under a ton of papers, and opened imediately with his bare hands. Inside of it there were some files he threw to the floor. Finally, inside a little paper envelope, he saw what he was waiting for.

The object was small and delicate, slim, and the diameter would not exceed a few centimeters. He held it in his hands with disbelief, he hadn't seen it in so many years, and he didn't really expect to find it ever again. It was a pin of a faded gold color, which represented a beautiful lotus flower wrapped in a circle... If his memory wasn't wrong he had given it to May for her birthday number twenty four. It wasn't a very valuable accessory, at least when it came to money, but in it there were trapped hundreds of secrets and mysteries

In that moment everything made sense, thought Coulson, suddenly putting all the pieces together. The flowers from Raina's dress, her mysterious smile, which always made you believe that she knew something else, and the great interest she had demostrated in keeping in touch with them (besides Skye, of course)... Raina was the little girl those worshipers had kidnapped so many years ago in Bahrain. The person May had seen dying in front of her, for who she had lost everything. But if she wasn't dead... That meant that everything had been just a trick, a trap. Raina had destroyed May... And Coulson would make sure she payed a very high price for that.

The director stood up, putting the pin in his pocket. He had to tell everything to May, not just because she deserved to know what had actually happened but because he'd never forgive himself if he didn't do it. So, swallowing hard, he headed up to the room of the legendary agent, which was close to his own, with the clear idea of telling her the truth...

But, which was that "truth" he was going to tell her? Hey, May, what's up? Oh, by the way, Raina was the girl from Bahrain, she's alive... No! What had actually happened?! Had it been just a coincidence, May being there, just an inconvenient for them? Or had it all been planned since the beginning, from the specialist's intervention to the girl's fake death? There really were people capable of doing that to an innocent young woman?

Coulson knocked the door once, not bothering in trying again and entering when he didn't get an answer. May was sitting on her bed, reading something in her tablet, which put aside when she saw him coming.

"Are you alright?" She asked him after noticing the lugubrious expression in his face.

He considered lie to her, but he knew it was useless to try to hide something from May. She knew him too well.

"There is something I need to tell you" he answered, sitting next to her on the bed. "It doesn't have anything to do with me or Hydra. But it is something very serious.

"Skye...?"

"She's fine, don't worry... It's about you, Melinda. There is something I need to tell you, but I don't know how you'll react at it" Coulson took a deep breath. He hated worrying May, but he knew he had to give her a kind of warning before dropping the bomb. "I just heard about it, trust me..."

"What's going on, Phil? You are starting to scare me" said May, realising something grave had happened.

"I was with Skye at the comm room when we got a call from Raina" he started. "I took it, obviously, because I thought that maybe she had something important to say. But she didn't seem interested in Hydra or something like that, she just mentioned having something that belonged to us, something she had borrowed from you in the past, and that it was time to return. She said it was in one of the folders he gave to me the other day... Let me finish" he asked when he saw she was about to interrupt him. "I didn't understand either what she meant with that... Until Skye commented the kind of flowers from her dress. They were lotus flowers"

May didn't say anything for a while, just stayed in silence. That simple mention of the flower was enough for her to understood what was coming, and in his eyes he could see how her suspicions were confirmed. Coulson put and hand in his pocket, then opened it slowly, revealing the pin. He thought in adding the obvious, that he had found it in one of the folders, but he realised that was stupid and unnecessary, so he just kept quiet and limited to observe her face cautiously.

The woman was completely paralised. Even if she was concious about what Coulson was about to show her, the shock of watching the pin was way bigger in real life. She felt how her sight blurred and the darkness surrounded her. She noticed that the shield that normally protected her wouldn't last any longer, and she wanted to be alone when it finally crashed.

"Go" she suddenly said.

"What?" he asked.

"Leave me" she insisted. "I need to be alone"

"No" replied Phil, with a firm and decided voice. "I already made that mistake once, I'm not going to repeat it. I wont' leave you"

"I don't need you" she snapped.

She had planned her voice to sound cold and serene, as if everything that had just happened hadn't been anything but a trivial conversation about the weather, but instead of that it came out turned into a weak and barely audible whisper. Coulson wrapped her in his arms tightly, and although at first she resisted, he didn't let her go. May gave up and let herself fell on him, burying her head in his chest. She wasn't so sure about what to do or feel. It was too much information to process, so many things that would change, and she had spent most of her energy stock just by accepting the whole thing.

She felt tired, dizzy and disorientated, as if someone had made her run in circles for hours and hours. That was impossible... Raina, the little girl? The ages matched, and so did the eyes size and the curly hair. But, anyways, it didn't end to make any sense for May.

Had it all been just a sinister succession of unlucky coincidences? Or someone had planned to do that to her? It wasn't fair, she couldn't stop herself from thinking, feeling for the first time that she actually didn't deserve it.

They stayed like that for many minutes, maybe hours. Coulson didn't exactly know when or how, but at some point they had layed on the bed and now they were both there in silence, trying to find a logical and legit solution for all of that mess. May had her eyes closed, and for once in her life she let her mind fly freely, remembering everything from that day.

Screams. Gunshots. Coulson hurt in the floor, begging her to not to go in. She kissing his forehead, telling him that everything would be okay. Blood, the thick dark red liquid was everywhere. Fire. That room, where that had happened to her. When she had came out from that place, absolutely broken, and collapsed into his arms. After that day it had been a long time until she let him came any close to her again, but at the moment it seemed like the only thing that would keep her alive and sane.

"I do need you" she muttered, thinking of the last thing she had said to him

"And I need you" he said with a sweet voice, gently stroking her dark hair. "Try to sleep. Tomorrow we'll have time to figure out all this labyrinth"

_We_... Oh, what a wonderful and underrated word.

May nodded, trying to obey and forget everything. It was hard, practically impossible, but she knew she wouldn't get any good conclusion in that state. She focused in Phil's warm breathing over her neck, in how he held her strong but nicely in his arms and in the rhythmic beating of his heart in her ear. He was the person who mattered the most in the world for her, and she knew she was like that for him too, that had always been like that between them. She was really lucky to have him by her side, she told herself, she didn't deserve someone like him. So she just closed her eyes again, and let go...

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><p>What do you think? Too short or too long? Please post some reviews, I want to know what you think and if you want me to continue :)<p>

I don't own any character, just the story


	2. Memories

_"I need to get out of here"_

May ran and ran, eliminating everything and everyone who crossed her path. Her injuries didn't hurt and she didn't have any trouble breathing. She felt trapped, everything was too horrible to be true, or at least that was what she wanted to believe. She felt the instict to survive seizing her person, while the anxiety and the purest fear were inundating her, replacing the blood that ran through her veins and the air that filled her lungs up.

She was absolutely frightened, what she had seen in that room would never leave her, and she knew that she would have to live with it forever. And that was only if she was able to get out of there alive...

In that moment she could descry a little gir, who was crying in the middle of the chaos. It was the girl! The girl from the room, she had survived! May didn't need tho think about it twice, she just ran to her side.

"Hi. Don't be afraind of me, I can help you" she said in the softest tone she could.

The girl, who was like nine or maybe ten years old, looked at her avidly, but it was obvious that she didn't understand what May had just told her. Her litte tan face was dirty because of the tears and the smoke, and in her big brown eyes May saw nothing but her own terror reflected.

"You don't speak english" she muttered. She suddenly had an idea. She unzipped her jacket and took something from one of the hidden pockets of it. "It's nice, isn't it? You can have it for now, it will keep you safe"

The girl took the small object. It was a golden pin, a pretty lotus flower inside of a circle. She liked it. She sipped a little bit, then offered a small and shy smile to the specialist, making her understand that she trusted her. Full of relief, the woman took her hand, helping her to stand up.

"Let's get out of here" She said, even if the other one couldn't understand her.

They both started to run towards the exit. The girl was slightly ahead from May, protected by her from any enemy that could have followed them. However, the girl suddenly stopped and fell to the floor.

"No!" screamed May, desperate.

She kneeled down next to her, realising that she didn't even know the name of the little girl, who had started to breath difficultly.

"No" exclaimed May. "Please, don't die!"

The girl's eyes flung wide opened, as if she had just understood that something was wrong. She grabbed May's hand tightly, and the woman noticed that she had a small dart in her neck. Poison. She looked around her and saw a small hole in the wall. Nobody had shot the dart, it was some emergency mechanism from the building.

It had been her fault, then. She should had been going forward, seeking for any dangers, not the little girl. She was selfish. She had killed her...

"Please, don't die" she whispered, even if she knew that it was too late. She squeezed her hand and then stood up. "I'll try to get you some help... I'm so sorry..."

The girl got immobilized, with vacant eyes and her mouth slightly open. May screamed, not knowing what to do. She didn't care anymore about whether they could hear her or not, she just wanted to wake up from that nightmare. She started to run again, mostly because of the adrenaline that flooded her body than for her own will.

When she got out of the building the orange sunset light hit her strongly. She saw lots of functionaries and several doctors arriving. _Doctors that were on their way with the purpose of saving the people that SHE had killed_. In the distance she recognized Coulson pushing an official to reach her. Phil! He knew about medicine! He was't an expert, but maybe he could still save the girl...

"Phil!" yelled May. She didn't know since when, but the tears were falling abundantly down her cheeks.

"Mel!" he exclaimed and he hugged her, relieved as never to see her alive. He limped slightly, but didn't seem to have suffered more serious injuries. It wasn't like he cared, he thought, for he just wanted to make sure she was alright. "What happened?"

"You need to help me! There is a wounded girl inside! We need to help her!"

A part of her knew that that was impossible, that it was too late. But the other side of her head was desperate, thinking that if she was able to save the girl she would deserve some kind of forgiveness for what she had done.

"What? A girl?"

"They shot her, but there must be a way to help her..."

"Let's go" Coulson said, following her.

They headed up to the building, running as fast as they could and dodging people who had just arrived to the place. Nonetheless, a guy wearing a policeman uniform stopped them. He was tall and corpulent, wider than the two young agents standing next to each other.

"I'm sorry, you can't get in again" he said in english with a thick accent.

"We need to help the girl!" screamed May, beside herself.

"There is nothing you can do. There were no survivors. Just go" he added, before turning around to talk with one of the doctors.

She tried to run inside of the building, but Coulson grabbed her by her back, imprisoning her with his arms.

"There is nothing we can do for her" he tried to convince her.

"No! Let me go!"

"Let the girl go, Mel..."

"No! I..."

"Let the girl go"

May felt how her legs lost the ability to keep her standing up, and if she didn't fell to the ground it was because Phil was holding her. She turned around and hid her face in his chest, crying disconsolately. Nothing made sense anymore, nothing mattered to her. She had murdered innocent people. She had been in that room, she had seen all of that, and she had escaped from it. But so what? Why she had survived? Why she hadn't given up fighting, trying to get out of that hell? She was a killer, nothing else, the blood all over her was a prove of that. She had killed a little girl, she didn't deserve to live anymore...

She heard some people making a circle around them and whispering. She's a murderer!, someone yelled. That was the last thing she remembered before passing out.

When she woke up, the flashbacks from the last day, or at least it was like that for her, came back to her mind as painful and fleeting lashes. Something inside of her was different, something was missing. When Coulson realised she was awake and stepped forward to hug her, she couldn't remember how it felt to be conforted, but how those guys had tussled with her.

"No! Get away from me!" she screamed, absolutely terrified.

He backed off, feeling as if someone had hit him harshly in the stomach. What was going on with her? The doctor had told him that it had been such a traumatic experience for May, but he handn't mentioned that she would actually reject him. In the eyes of his best friend he could only saw anxiety and fear. She seemed as if she didn't remember him, or as if someone were forcing her to.

May felt a knot forming in her throat when she realised that she had hurt him. She opened her mouth to apologise, but he thought that she would yelled again and took a step back, hesitant and unsure. For May that was the most painful wound she had ever gotten.

_"You see it?" _said a voice inside of her head, painful and sinister. _"You can only hurt him now. Don't you remember what that people yelled at you before? You are nothing but a murderer..."_

It was her own voice, but it seemed distorted and distant, stained with a cruelty she had never felt before.

"Phil..." she started, feeling the tears filling up her eyes.

_But no. Killers don't deserve to cry..._

The sound of her voice didn't only remind her of the one from her head, but of her pathetic attempts to save the girl. In her mind she saw all the people she had killed, the worshipers that had done _that_ to her, the face of the defencless girl as she died...

"Mel..." Said Coulson, approaching slowly to her.

She wanted so badly to let him hug her and take care of her. She wanted to feel something different from agony again. She wanted to get out of that place, return to the bus and watch a movie with the rest of her team, maybe eat some pizza. But she couldn't. She couldn't be with anyone.

_Murderers don't have friends. If he stayed with you, you would hurt him, or kill him..._

"Get away from me!

She hated harming her best friend, the person who meant the most in the world for her. She hated having to walk away from him. She hated her own voice, her hands, so trained to kill. But more than anything she hated herself, for beeing the cause of the whole thing.

She looked around her, realising that she wasn't in a medical facility from the agency. There were no paints on the walls, no beep sounds, no nurses or doctors moving around. The walls were plain white, and so were the lights, the floor, the celing and the bedgown that someone had put her on. No, she wasn't in a hospital. It was a mental institution.

_"That's what people like you deserve... Murderers and madmen..."_

"Hey, everything is fine, Mel" this time Phil didn't try to come any closer, he just stayed where he was. "You'll be out of here soon. The others can't wait to see you, and Fury wants you back in the field as soon as possible"

_What? Back in the field? Where EVERYTHING of that had happened? Where there were more people for her to KILL?_

"I'm not going back" She muttered.

"You can wait 'til you are better and then..."

He stopped talking. May was just staring at him now, and she seemed so fragil and broken, so unike herself, that he just couldn't continue.

"Forget it. You have to do what it's the best for you" Phil said gently.

_He was so kind and selfless. She was so selfish and ruthless..._

"Go" was all May managed to whisper.

_Nothing mattered anymore. She was worthless, she told herself again and again. A real monster..._

"I'm not going anywhere" he replied. "We are a team, aren't we?"

"Not anymore"

_Words, words, words. Pain, pain, pain. Her voice sounded cold and fake, even to herself, but it didn't surprise her. There was nothing left from the person she had once been..._

Phil sighed. He didn't feel sorry for himself. He had started to understand that May was broken, and he knew that he wouldn't bring her back by putting on a pity face. He sat down on the floor and informed her his thoughts.

"You can yell at me or ignore me. I don't give a shit. There is no way I'm leaving you"

"Go" she insisted, her voice barely audible.

_I'm a murderer! _she was screaming in her insides. But, because of this or that, the words were trapped in her head.

"No. We'll find a way to get out of this, Mel. Together. As we always do"

That was probably the sweetest and most meaningful thing someone had ever told her. Something inside of her cracked, and she realised that it wasn't the happiness coming back, but another piece of her heart breaking.

_You are going to hurt him! Can't you see it? You are an ASSASSIN... If he stays by your side you'll KILL him!_

She closed her eyes strongly, as if she could hide inside of her eye lids. But when she did it, she only saw a pair of big chocolate eyes, staring back at her...

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><p>May opened her eyes, waking up startled. Her chest rose and fell to the rhythm of her heavy breathing, competing with the frantic beating of her heart in her ears. Her face was bathed in tears, and she could felt her whole body shaking violently.<p>

"It was a dream" said Coulson next to her. He had waken up a few seconds before her, when he had noticed she was moving in her sleep. "It wasn't real..."

May nodded, telling him that she knew. However, that wasn't the reason of her agitation. Coulson put a hand on her shoulder and she grabbed it tightly, trying forget the demons of her past by holding on in that warm and real contact.

"It's her, Phil" she whispered, hating the sound of her voice as much as she had done in the dream. "Raina is the girl..."

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><p>Aaaand? What do you think? All reviewscomments/critics will be gladly accepted :D

A little thing: I don't think that mental hospitals are for murderers and madmen, it's just "May" talking because she is freaking out


	3. Let it go?

"It's her, Phil" she whispered, hating the sound of her voice as much as she had done in the dream. "Raina is the girl..."

"What? Are you absolutely sure? How can you know that?" asked Coulson, suddenly worried about the urgence of her voice.

"I just know it" She didn't want to tell him about the dream, even if it was obvious to him that she had had a nightmare.

_I'm not a murdered,_ she had to remind herself._ Come on, Melinda, it was just a dream. You know you are not a murderer?_

Coulson stayed in silence for a while. In his mind he was desperately trying to find the right thing to say, but the words seemed to have abandoned him, and now he didn't know how to answer May.

"Whatever" she said, turning around to hide her face, as if she had read his thoughts. "It's late. Let's go back to sleep"

_Sleep?_, Coulson thought. _How can she even think about it after realising all that?_

"Are you sure you don't wanna talk about it?" he asked with caution, choosing his words carefully.

"There is nothing to talk" May replied.

That there was nothing to talk about? But Coulson knew better than that, and he noticed that it was just her defense mechanism. She was scared because of everything that could happen, everything that could change, and the last thing she wanted was to tell him that. She was a fighter, a strong woman than was used to solver her problems on her own, and she didn't want him to worry about her. As if that had ever stopped him.

"We'll talk when you are ready" he told her softly. "Just tell me and I'll be there"

He turned around to sleep, thinking the conversation was over. However, seconds later May spoke again.

"Thank you" she whispered.

He didn't add anything else, after so many years together he didn't need to. Besides, there was something satisfying in that quiet language they shared, something like a reminder that things between them weren't as different as how they used to be.

The next morning, Coulson was gladly surprised by realising that May was still there, and that their positions were not exactly as how he remembered them before falling asleep. May was still asleep, closer to him and resting the top of her head in his chest. Trying to avoid waking her up, he retired the arm that was holding her by her waist. It wasn't as if he had any regret about it, but he valorated his life enough as to be a little farther from her when she woke. Not beeing able to stop himself, he gently stroked her cheek with the tips of his fingers. She looked so beautiful, Coulson thought, younger and relaxed.

"May..." he said, moving her shoulder. He didn't like waking her up, but it was around nine and he knew she would be mad at him if he didn't. "Wake up, Melinda... Melinda..."

She opened her eyes slowly, blinking a few times before she could focus in him

"This is _not_ the back to back that I remembered" she commented yet didn't move away.

Coulson smiled. "It's time to get up. And we have a lot of things to do..."

"Fiiiiine... God, it's almost ten" May stood up quicly, trying to fix her hair with her hands.

"It's not even a quart past nine" he muttered, and she ignored him.

Coulson took his time to do the same thing. He stretched a little and yawned a few times. When he finally straightened she was already gone.

_We'll talk later,_ he promised himself. _This is not a joke, and I won't let her keep me apart from this._

Coulson returned to his own dorm in silence, thanking God it was close to May's so he didn't see anyone in his way. He took a quick shower and dressed up even faster. In the kitchen the rest of the team had already finished, but they were still there, drinking some coffee or just keeping each other company.

"Where were you?" asked Skye, trying to look innocent.

By the warning look May gave him, Coulson understood that the young woman had asked her the same question, and he better made their answers coincide.

"I was... organising some files. Nothing else" he said, shrugging to rest importance to the topic.

"Ah" replied Skye. He had passed the test, but that dind't mean she didn't suspect anything.

He started making his coffee in silence, as he did every morning. A few meters by her left, May was drinking her peppermint tea calmly, but avoiding to make eye contact with him.

"I need you to track again the agents that are still missing. Try to find them and check if there is any chance they are still loyal to Shield, or at least if the haven't joined Hydra. Agent Triplett will help ypu, he'll knew better how to identify them."

"I'll start right away, sir" answered the young agent. "Let's go, Trip"

He nodded towards Coulson before following her. It wasn't exactly necessary, but he was trained to always follow protocol and show respect.

"Mack, go with Fitz to buy those things you asked me for yesterday. I could send someone else, but nobody would understand exactly what you need" continued the director, drinking some more coffee. "Yes, you can take the black car, and no, you can't work on Lola yet"

"Yet. There is still hope" He said, smiling.

"And what about me?" intervened Hunter.

"You can... Go with them and help them to carry their stuff"

"Copy that" He wasn't exactly happy with his order, but he hurried to reach the others. In the other hand, his beer suplies were getting worryingly low, and convicing Mack and Fitz to get a little wouldn't be so hard.

"Do you need me to do something?" asked May. She knew what he was up to, but still hoped he wouldn't make it happen.

"No. I'm going to call Raina and..."

"No" she cut him off, putting her cup asides. "You are not"

"Yes, I am"

"What's the point?" she insisted. "You can't change the past"

"I know... But maybe I can change the way we see it"

"I said no, Coulson" May snapped. She hated calling him by his last name, at least when they were alone. But she did that when she was upset, and now she needed him to realise that she was beeing serious. "I don't want you to investigate more about it"

"I'm sorry" he said, even if he knew it would make her mad. "You know I'm still going to do it"

"Why?" she exclaimed, losing her patience. "Why can't you let it go? Why do you want to know?

"Because I need to, Melinda!" he replied, looking straight into her eyes. "Look, I know I'm been unreasonable and selfish, but I need to do it. It hurt me, you know? It hurt me seeing how you were going through all of that, it hurt me seeing you broken. It was like a punch in my faceto you didn't seemed to remember our private jokes or anything of what we had been through, all of those years at the Academy, the pranks and the missions... Suddenly it was as if I weren'tt a part of your life anymore. And it really, really sucked, because you were my best friend, the person who knew me better than anyone and the only person I've always trusted more than myself. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, because there is no way of blaming you, but it was like torture for me. And every day that passes I suffer, thinking of all you have to deal with. You've told me that you are worthless, a lost case, but that's just the fear talking... I don't care what you say, I'm still going to do this"

May didn't say anything for a while, for she was too shocked or moved to have any reasonable thought. The she sighed, suddenly understanding everything. She went to his side and held his hand, giving it a little squeeze.

"You still blame yourself" It wasn't a question, just a whispered fact. May wasn't mad anymore, just sad, looking directly at him when she spoke "But it wasn't your fault, Phil. There is nothing you could have done"

"If I hadn't get shot, I could have followed you or..." He started, shrugging

"Don't. Don't you dare to add anything else" she interrupted him softly. "You know I hate when you blame youself"

Coulson nodded.

"It's just that... I can't help it. I need to know the truth about what happened that day. And I know you want to too, May, you can't deny it. You can lie and pretend that you want to move on, but we both know that's not true. I'm sorry to put it like this, but you can't get over it if you don't even know what actually happened that day." He looked down, embarrassed. He was a grown-up man, the director of a whole freaking secret agency, but he just couldn't meet her in the eye every time he knew he was hurting her. "But I'm going to find the truth, May, it doesn't matter how long it takes me... And then I'm going to help you to cope with whatever that brings"

"Would you do that for me?" She asked, feeling a knot in her throat.

"I would do anything" Coulson squeezed her hand, that was still interlocked with his own.

"Why?" She couldn't help but asking. For beeing such an intuitive person, she could be pretty blind at other things. When Coulson had told her over and over again how sorry he was for making her leave, she had felt surprised. She wasn't used to be missed, or at people caring fot her.

"Because you are my best friend" he said, with a small smile. "Always have been, always will be. Maybe you don't believe me, but it's true, ever since that day we met at the Academy. Friends hurt each other, you and I have learned that the tough way. But it doesn't matter what happens with Raina or everything else, nothing will change my mind"

May stepped forwards and gave him a small hug. She honestly didn't know what to say, but she didn't need to anyway. She wasn't a words person like him, she was an action person. And Phil understood inmediately what she was trying to make him know.

"I know... Besides, you already did that for me. With the Tahiti project and the whole thing." he said.

"That was different..."

"No, it wasn't" he replied stubbornly. "Now stop arguing with me, because we have a lot to do"

May nodded, directing him one of her rare but true smiles. Then she took the cup he was holding in his other hand and took a small sip. She frowned her face at the bitter flavor, making him laugh.

"You look funny when you do that. But if you hate coffee that much, you shouldn't drink it" he commented, amused. "It's not that bad, though"

"It's the most disgusting thing ever. But I need some caffeine to start the day. I fear today I'll need to keep my mind open."

Twenty minutes later they were both in the director's office. Coulson was just walking around, clearly upset, trying to get a videocall with Raina for the fifteenth time.

"Maybe you should take a break" suggested May. She was sitting in his desk, playing with one of the pens from his Captain America set, hiding her anxiety by making it look like boredom.

Coulson stopped his walking and sighed.

"Damn it, she should answer it. I'm going to call her one last time, if she doesn't answer I'll look for another way to get to her"

He dialed the code again, which by then he had already memorized, waiting for her to connect. Seconds passed and they were about to give up when the other one took the call. Raina's face appeared on the screen. When she saw May her smile faded, and for once she seemed unsure about what was going to happen.

"Agent May, agent Coulson" she saluted. "I presume that you already saw what I sent you. It took you more than I thought to call me, if I gotta be honest"

"Look Raina, you are going to listen to be very carefully" said Coulson, dead serious, taking a sit next to May. "This is not one of your little games. You are going to tell us right now EVERYTHING you know about that day in Bahrain, because if you don't do it, I'm going to make your miserable life a real hell, do you hear me, bitch?"

The woman gulped with dissimulation. Then she lowered her eyes, as if she were deeply embarrassed for something.

"Fine, I'll fo it. After all, that's the reason of why I sent the pin in the first place, for you to know the truth" she admitted, her voice barely audible "But I'm afraid that everything you ever thought about that day is completely wrong. As you know, it all began many years ago, in a small town in Bahrain..."

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><p>Fine, fine, fine, I know what you are thinking, where is the story? In the next chapter, I promise ;)<p>

Ugh, what do you think? Maybe it was too much talking by Phil... Please, let me know what you think about it, I really need to know if you want me to continue it or no


	4. Raina's story

"I grew up in Hidd, Bahrain, in a small house with other kids. I... I never met my parents. The woman I called my grandmother used to tell me stories all the time. She talked to me about people who were different, individuals with gifts and amazing powers, who were capable of controlling the fire and the sea, the wind and the minds of others. I was fascinated with that possibility, with persons destined to be something else, to know and see more than the rest of the world. I wanted to become one of them, I knew I was different... When I was about eight years old some men entered my house and took me to a laboratory, they said they could teach me everything about that world I dreamed about... There they used to bring normal people, but full of potential, and they transformed them in something else. I already was something else, my job was to elect the people and study... That mission you were in was not very different from the other ones. We had a target. You, Melinda May

"Me? Why?" she asked, her voice turned into a barely audible whisper.

She felt Coulson's hand reaching for hers below the table. At first she froze, she was not prepared for something as normal as that after having heard all of that. However, they shared a quick look and her insecurity disappeared, for one second was enough to understand that, of all the things that had just happened, at least the presence of Phil beside her was real. So she laced his fingers and gave it a little squeeze as much as to thank him as to hold herself to something.

"You were young and agile, fit and had all requirements they were looking for to create a new generation of warriors" replied the other, as if it were the most logical and understandable the world. "The gifted man and his worshipers were only a facade to attract you to the place, he was just one of the talented individuals working with them. I had orders to hide and run once you were gone, the fire was nothing more than an optical illusion designed to make the others leave. They found you and took you to the lab. They experimented with you ..."

"I know what happened" the other one cut her off, with the most lethal death glare she had ever thrown.

"Alright. The anesthesia didn't last as long as they thought and you woke up. You escaping was definitely something that nobody had planned" continued the girl in the flower dress. Her big brown eyes were wide opened and almost shining, as if the memory that was nothing but a torture for them represented the greatest day of her life. Raina really believed in what those men had dedicated their lifes to, at least it was obvious she had done so once. "As for me, smoke and gunshots were something I was not used to; I panicked and tried to leave. That's when you found me. I remember you talked to me ... I didn't understand anything, I didn't speak english at that time, still you calmed me and gave me that pin ... We started to run. But they were not going to let me go and they shot me a dart ... No, it was not poison. It was a substance designed to reduce my brain activity and seem dead. And well... the rest is history"

May nodded, more by instinct than by choice.

"Thanks... Raina" said Coulson, feeling sick for the distorted and strange story they had heard

"I... I'm sorry" she whispered, and the line went dead.

"Why didn't you tell me they had experimented with you?" he couldn't help but ask about it. He knew it was something very personal and hard for her, and maybe it could be considered as something rude and inappropriate thing to say, but a part of him couldn't do but feeling somewhat betrayed by knowing he had been bereft from something like that.

"Because I had no idea" she replied, not daring to meet his eyes.

"What?" Phil exclaimed.

He made a move to stand, but May stopped him, pulling his hand which was still entwined with hers. Coulson studied her with the look. Her face remained stoic and equally devoid of emotions as always, it seemed as if nothing had happened. But he knew better than that, and finding her eyes could realize how deeply scared and confused she was.

"I'm sorry" he apologised. He sat down again, this time turning his chair so they could straight talk and still hold her hand. "I shouldn't have..."

"It's fine" May interrupted him. "I was just thinking... They never put me any anesthesia. I was there for only two hours"

"Melinda... you were inside of that building for about six hours, maybe even more" he told her, with a knot in his throat, concerned about her as he hadn't felt in a long time.

"What? No, Phil..."

"When you left me at noon I was bleeding in the floor with a bullet in my hip and shoulder. And when you came back I had just a band and a small limping and it was almost night... that didn't tell you anything?"

"But, the file... I..." May looked at him, pleading for answers, desperately trying to remember something about it.

"Are you okay?"

The woman said nothing for some instants. Her mind seemed paralyzed, totally in shock, but at the same time her thoughts still tried to run a hundred miles per hour.

"You really think she told us the true?" he tried again, increasingly worried.

"What do you mean?" she fnally said, after a small pause.

"Well, it's still Raina we're talking about, May"

"You think she lied?"

"It wouldn't surprise me at all. Although, frankly..."

"What?" wanted to know May.

"It's just... I'm sorry, but this whole thing is chilling and creepy for me"

"That makes two of us" she muttered. "Who the hell knows what they put inside of me..."

"What do you mean?"

"They injected me some weird liquids and substances" she confessed with a whisper. "I never gave it any importance... I certainly didn't think I'd been unconscious. Just ... I thought they were drugs to calm me"

"Oh my God, May..." he said, putting his other hand on her knee. "Did you ever...?"

"Go to get checked? Several times. Remember that year I spent in China with my mother?" he nodded. "Well, I wasn't with her. I panicked and went to Cara to examine me. But everything was normal with me... And no, Phil, you are not doing it"

"Do what?"

"Go on and ask Jemma to give me a look"

"But..."

"No" she insisted calmly. "There is nothing wrong in my blood"

"It's not your..."

"Hi guys" said Skye, smiling, entering with some folders and a CD in her arms. However, watching the face of seriousness of both agents and noticing how Coulson was holding her hand she stopped abruptly, realising something was going on. "Am I, hum, interrupting something?"

"No"

"Fine... Is everything alright?" she asked shyly, taking a small step forwards. "Are you okay?" she said, looking at May.

"Yes" said the other one, swearing at the fact that now Skye seemed to be able to read her almost as easily as Coulson. "Let's go and train, we're doing the morning session we missed"

"Are you sure?" Coulson asked.

"I'm fine, for real" May stood up, gently squeezing his hand before letting it go.

"Okay, we'll talk later"

"Sure" she accepted with a sigh, then walked to the door. "Let's go, Skye"

"Fine... Sir, here I have the resume of what Trip and I got about the agents" the young woman left the things she carried on his desk. She raised her eyebrows slightly toward the director, asking if she should be worried about May.

He pursed his lips almost imperceptibly. Probably the other had noticed their little quiet conversation, but seemed indifferent to it as she stared at the floor. Coulson articulated a sly "_Talk to her_" and the girl nodded before following her coach out of the room. Then he sighed, rubbing his temples with his fingers. A while back he would have told Skye to stay away and not to meddle, but now he felt as if he needed her help. At the end of the day, while a girl had destroyed in May, another girl appeared to be destined to fix her.

The other two walked in silence to the gym. She realized something was wrong, it wasn't necessary to be an expert to see it. Upon arrival they began to stretch a little as they did every morning.

"Are you okay?" she asked May again.

"I'm completely fine, Skye. Punchinbag. Now"

Not anything happens to me, Skye. Punchinbag. Now.

Both began beating their respective punchinbags, however, suddenly the young woman realized that there was something strange in May. She was not looking at her, didn't even seem to notice that she had stopped to observe her better. She was furiously smacking the punchinbag that was in front of her, too fast and with too much anger repressed so that it were a normal training.

Suddenly she kicked it with such force that a small gash was opened and a handful of sand spilled on the floor. Skye had only seen another person breaking one of those before, Hunter, the day Trip and he had bet on their ability to throw knives. If May had managed to tear the leather with just her fury, something serious had happened.

She approached her and put a timid hand on her shoulder, making the other stop in her tracks as taken by surprise, as if she had noticed for the first time that she was not alone.

"What do you tell me every time we train and you notice that I'm too tense?" asked Skye softly.

"To stay silent?"

"To relax, because I can't work like that"

"What's your point?"

"I know something happened" she insisted with a low voice. "For the face you guys had when I entered, it seemed as if you had seen a ghost"

_Almost, _May could not help thinking how accurate were the words of the young.

"Sit down" she said, doing so herself. "You are pale"

May obeyed. She didn't know how to feel about the whole situation. She hated Raina with all her being, but could not help but remind herself that her whole world had fallen apart because of her death ... Should she rejoice that she was alive? Or was she supposed to be angry for being part of that damn experiment?

"Bahrain" Was all she managed to say, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

"Oh" Skye put a hand on her shoulder.

"Raina... Raina was ..." May shook her head a few times. She felt nervous and helpless, not knowing what to do and that always made her uncomfortable. "Remember when I mentioned that girl?"

"The one who died? ... Sorry, that was too direct"

"No, it's okay. It's just that... Raina was that little girl"

Skye's eyes widened, that was surely not what she had expected. With her mouth slightly opened, she frowned, joining the dots.

"I'm gonna kill that fucking bitch" she declared, furious.

"Hey, chill Skye" May could not help being surprised by her reaction. She knew Skye cared about her and always tried to help whenever she saw the demons of her past haunting her. But this was her fight, a grim bloody battle which the others didn't tend to take part of. "We... are trying to find out what really happened"

"You talked with her?

"Yes. She was the one who contacted us"

"That doesn't smell good for me" murmured the girl, biting her lip. "Raina likes games, and maybe this is just a trap"

"I don't know, Skye" May sighed. "I honestly don't know what to do"

Skye rested her head on her shoulder, making her understand that she was there for her. She didn't know what she was supposed to say, after all it was her who used to follow and look up to the other one and seeing May like that, insecure and vulnerable, scared and pissed her at the same time.

"We'll find the truth" Skye finally said. "I will hack the CIA and Raina's brain if I have to, I swear. After that we'll see what happens next. Now come on, you need a cup of tea"

Skye stood and pulled her to help her to straight up.

"What about the punchinbag?" May asked, pointing to the sand that was still spilling.

"We'll blame Hunter"

May smiled for the first time since she had learned Raina's story. Skye just knew a little piece of what had happened in Bahrain and still was there, ready to do everything in her power and more to help her, seeming so committed to being her support as Phil. She thought that she should not care about what was going to happen with Raina, she was nothing more than a despicable person who had done terrible things to her team, the people she loved most.

Wordlessly she approached Skye and hugged her. She was not quite sure of why se had done so as she generally hated any kind of physical contact, but could not help it, because there was something comforting in that young woman who, for one reason or another seemed to care so much about her. She realized that she had not to worry about what truth meant. At the end of the day, as she had said, there was no way to undo the past. Raina had only been a child caught in the wrong moment and probably, have ended things in a different way, after that day she would have never seen her again. But Skye was different. A bond had created between them and now she would do everything in her power to protect her not just because she was an agent and that would be right thing to do, but because she loved her and would do anything for her.

"Thanks" she whispered, letting her go.

Skye gave her a warm and reassuring smile. Wow, since when the sweet and curious girl of the questions had become that young woman so smart and responsible? How the hell had she come to bring down her barriers and reach her?

"Your welcome" Sky said, waking her up from her thoughts. "Now let's go and have that tea. We gotta lot to do and... run!"

"Why?" asked May, as they both headed to the entry.

"I heard Trip coming, and we need to blame Hunter" the other one reminded her, taking her hand for her to go faster.

May had to smile at that, following her protégé. Damn it, she thought, she really loved that girl.

* * *

><p>Did Raina tell the truth? You really think there are no traces of drugs in May's body? If so, who will be able to help them? Please post reviews and tell me what you think and if I should continue with it or not! :)<p> 


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